10 Things for 100 Days Sober
A few days ago, I officially reached an awesome milestone - 100 days without alcohol! In full transparency, I have achieved this particular milestone many times before, over the years that I have been working on reevaluating my relationship with alcohol, but it still feels like a cool achievement that is worth celebrating.
There was a time in my life, let’s say back in 2016, when the idea of spending 100 days stone-cold sober felt completely impossible. Alcohol has been a huge part of my life since I took my first drink at 14 years old, and after almost 20 years of pretty much every part of my life being soaked in it, it was a tall ask to imagine a life without drinking. My brain could not do it - it just did not compute!
I had tried to stop drinking countless times, and I struggled to make it 2-3 days nevermind 100 of them! But something was telling me (screaming at me) to stop drinking, to keep trying. So I took a small step forward - after I randomly stumbled across a recovery podcast series - I started listening to more podcasts about sobriety and living life without alcohol. That led me to discovering two of my Sober Sheroes - Holly Whitaker and Laura McKowen via the HOME podcast, and in 2017, I enrolled in Holly’s Hip Sobriety School which helped me to get more sober time under my belt.
I kept trying and would make it a week and then drink. Then I’d make it for 2 weeks and drink. Then I’d make it for 3, and then a month, and then 6 weeks, and so on. I didn’t stop trying - I always came back again and again and again no matter what, and I kept practising the tools I had learned, kept building that sober muscle. Eventually, I made it to my first 90 days, then 100 days and then 6 months, and beyond.
The longest sober streak I’ve had to date has been 10 months which started in the midst of the 2020 pandemic and ended in February 2021. Since then, I’ve had two 6 month periods of sobriety, but I have yet to make that elusive 1 year milestone and sustain sobriety long-term which is definitely my goal.
Even though I have been practising sobriety for a few years now and it certainly is easier for me than it used to be, it still isn’t without effort and conscious action-taking and decision-making along the way. So with that in mind, I thought I would do a bit of a round up of the 10 biggest tools that have helped me to get back to triple-digit sobriety once more!
Online sober community.
Image credit: The Luckiest Club
I think it is Johann Hari that has said: “Connection is the opposite of addiction,” which I do believe to be true. Creating connections with others has always been one of my biggest struggles in my sober journey to date, especially in person (which I’ll expand on in my next point) so having access to the internet and social media has always been really huge for me in my recovery. I started posting on my sober Instagram account @theunravelledlife on day 2 (back in February) and have posted most days (with some breaks along the way) which has helped me to stay accountable and also make connections with others from around the world who are also walking this path. Even though these are only “online connections” it has helped me feel way less alone than I otherwise would. In fact, some of these people I’ve connected with know more about me than anyone in my real life does ha! To be honest, I find it easier to share my true, honest feelings and thoughts with strangers which is something I probably need to work on but it does really help me to have a safe space that is protected from my family and colleagues, where I am free to express myself.
Another place I have found an amazing online community over the last 100 days is The Luckiest Club (TLC) which is an online sobriety community founded by Laura McKowen. TLC hosts over 40 online meetings a week via Zoom and it also includes a community forum where you can post about anything sobriety related. I try and get to a couple of online meetings a week (it can be challenging with the time difference here in NZ) and I have been very lucky to have discovered the small but mighty Australia/NZ support sub-group. These ladies meet every Sunday evening and have extended so much support and love over the last 3+ months which I’m so grateful for.
In person meetings.
Creating in-person connections in my recovery has also been really really important for me this time around. Like I mentioned in my first point, this has been a MAJOR struggle in my journey over the years. Mostly because I just did not know where to find sober people, asides from AA that is. Truthfully I’ve never been that keen on AA; I’ve been to loads of AA meetings since 2018 onwards, but the AA programme has never ever resonated with me. Being an English teacher and a lover of words, I know the power that language can have in our recovery and frankly, I’ve always found the language of AA to be disempowering to say the least.
But this time, I made the decision to attend some regular AA meetings because despite its flaws, it still is the only place available to me to meet other people in sobriety. Whilst online community has been an amazing tool and source of support in my journey, I have learned that it definitely cannot replace the power of sitting in a room with other sober people, with other people struggling with addiction, and being SEEN and WITNESSED as you speak the words you need to say out loud.
I have been really lucky to have come across a great meeting on Saturday night here that I attend every week and I am slowly starting to get to know the regular attendees of the group which is a great feeling. I’m not “working the programme” of AA officially and I don’t have a sponsor, but I am absolutely benefitting from the fellowship of AA. In fact, I’ve done something I’ve never done before and committed to a service position within the group which means I bring the tea and biscuits every week haha. It is small but it feels good to make a commitment there and give back.
Sobriety podcasts
Listening to podcasts about recovery from alcohol and sober living has always been a HUGE tool in my recovery. This was where I first started exploring my relationship with alcohol and where I gained the courage to start really trying to get sober. Listening to the stories of those who had gone before me helped me to start believing in the possibility of living a life without alcohol and even to this day, there has never been a story that I haven’t resonated with at least in some small way. Listening to podcasts always helped me to feel less alone on this path and have also been a huge source of learning about new tools too.
Some of my favourite sobriety podcasts that I can recommend are:
HOME podcast by Holly and Laura - of course! I still relisten to episodes even though they are now a bit old
Happiest Sober by Madeline Forrest - This has been a new find for me this year and I love the conversations Maddie has, especially with her Mom who is over 40 years sober!!
Recovery Happy Hour by Tricia Lewis - definitely very bingeable and some great interviews about people’s experiences with drinking and getting sober.
Seltzer Squad by Jess and Kate - this one seems to not be going anymore but the archives are available and if you fancy a laugh, check out any of the Hot Mess Hoedown episodes!!
Sober Vibes by Courtney Anderson - I love Courtney’s straight up, hard case personality and humour that she brings to this very serious topic of recovery. Plus, she also has a decade of sobriety experience which is always helpful insight.
The Bubble Hour AND Tiny Bubbles by Jean McCarthy - If you want long-form stories of real people and their experiences drinking alcohol and getting sober, then definitely dive into the deep archives of The Bubble Hour. Tiny Bubbles is a short-form version with bite-sized 10-15 min episodes. Both are great!!
Hello Someday by Casey McGuire Davidson - Casey has over 8 years of sobriety and is a sober coach, so this podcast is stacked full of awesome tips and tricks that will help you get and stay sober.
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace - This podcast is an extension of the book with the same title (which I also recommend!) that takes a fresh, modern and more science-backed approach to addiction recovery and mindset.
Online sobriety course - Next Level Sober Support
Image Credit: Sober Vibes
Even though I’m not a traditional 12-stepper, I am always doing some form of personal development. I think it is really really important to work on yourself in recovery, to learn new tools, and strengthen your emotional and spiritual life so that you have other things to sustain you without the alcohol. I recently enrolled in a self-paced audio coaching course by Courtney Anderson (host of the Sober Vibes podcast) called Next Level Sober Support. I was feeling the need to do some structured work in my recovery and expand my sober toolkit, and I’m really enjoying it so far! I’m getting clearer on my on-going WHY for my recovery and have developed a plan for those times I’m hit with cravings to drink in the future which feels good.
Exercise & moving the body
The past 100 days or so have unfortunately been plagued with quite a bit of sickness (I’ve been sick 3 times in the last 4 months!!) so I haven’t been exercising as much as I would like to. However, I have been reasonably consistent with going on gentle walks outside for up to an hour at a time. In my first 50 days, I was really good with going for walks straight after-work which helped a lot with changing up my routine so I could avoid going to the supermarket to buy wine. Just creating that mindful space between finishing work and getting home was really effective in managing my after-work cravings. It always helps my mental health no end to get outside in the fresh air, especially in the sunshine for a walk, even for just 20-30 minutes. In fact, I’ll be going for one this afternoon when I finish writing this post! I often will play a sobriety podcast to listen to as well.
Breathwork & Pause app
Image credit: Pause Breathwork
I’ve been doing breathwork on and off for around 4 years now and it is one of my favourite tools in my recovery. Though again, because of sickness, I haven’t done it for a while but it is always something I come back to again and again. I bought myself an annual subscription to the Pause Breathwork app by Samantha Skelly which I love. There is something very very special about the audios she creates, and I love that there is a range in terms of length. I often find that I enjoy doing a couple of shorter ones (10-15mins each) per day, but on the weekends, I may do a longer 25-45 min journey. As soon as I overcome this current round of sickness (ugh!!), I’ll be getting back to doing some regular breathwork for sure!! Breathwork is a great somatic tool that can help you process emotion and release stuck and stagnant energy through the body. When I do it regularly, I always feel so much more calm, present and grounded within myself. It truly is a gamechanger!!
Creative self-expression - journaling & writing
Being able to express myself creatively is also a very effective tool for me in my recovery. It is one of the reasons why I chose to start my Instagram account - just the act of writing daily reflections about what I’m learning about or processing at the time, really helps me to feel connected and productive in my recovery. I’ve always been a writer at heart; examining my life and my experiences up close through the act of writing helps me to learn and gain perspective. Plus, I always love the idea that by sharing my honest thoughts and feelings via my words I am also helping someone else who is struggling out there. I received a message on Instagram recently from a woman who said that she had finally reached one month sober and reading my posts was a huge part of her being able to hit that milestone. Seriously!! It made my day/week/month/year!!
Quit-lit books & memoirs
As well as a writer, I’ve always been a reader and lover of books. However, whenever I am drinking alcohol, I do not read nor do I write! So a great joy over the last 100+ days has been reclaiming my love for reading books. I’ve reread a few of my favourite quit-lit books and memoirs - I will never get tired of reading a good old addiction to recovery story!! There is always much to learn from the stories of others who have gone before us, and I always finish these books with a renewed sense of motivation and inspiration to keep on going.
Some of my favourite quit-lit books and memoirs are:
Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker
We Are The Luckiest by Laura McKowen
Push Off From Here by Laura McKowen
Blackout by Sarah Hepola
The Wine O’Clock Myth by Lotta Dann
Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
Carry On, Warrior by Glennon Doyle
Integral Recovery by John Dupuy
The Four-Quadrant Recovery Map
This is a tool that I originally learned in Hip Sobriety School 2017 which I still use to this day. I believe that this map is originally a Ken Wilbur invention but it is also the foundation of the book and programme, Integral Recovery by John Dupuy, which is all about how to create and put a holistic recovery plan into action.
The map is divided into 4 squares that together, cover our human experience both internally and externally. These are the core areas of our lives and we need to meet our needs in each area in order to live a healthy & balanced life.
1. Upper left - Emotional/mental/spiritual
2. Upper right - Body/physical
3. Lower left - Community/shared meaning
4. Lower right - Environment, habits & organisational processes
In each square, I've written the actions I'm focused on taking in each area (not necessarily everyday) and/or what my focus is on at the time. For instance, right now I know I need to really work on improving my physical health and nutrition so I’ve written in the actions I’m planning on taking from now.
Whether you draw up a new one every week or month, or just create a master map that you consistently add new habits/actions/behaviours/tools to as you go along, it is a great reflective tool that will help you to see where in your life/recovery you need more support.
Small comforts & treats.
I’m all about small comforts and treats on the daily because why the hell not?! Drinking wine used to be the way that I sought out this feeling of comfort at the end of the day. Drinking a bottle of wine often felt akin to wrapping myself in a blanket and feeling warm and safe. So now I find other ways to do that. Simple things like putting on some cosy socks, wrapping myself in an actual blanket or oversized jumper and brewing a hot cup of chai tea can provide so much comfort in the moment. I love to burn essential oils, take time cleaning and looking after my home environment, play calming music, cuddle my two kitties, and I also enjoy a sweet treat most days.
Wow - we made it to the end of my 10 things for 100 days sober! This post ended up being a lot longer than I originally anticipated so if you are still reading, then you are a superstar! I do hope you have found this list of tools helpful and if you have discovered something new that will help to take your recovery journey to the next level, then even better!
If you enjoyed this post, then please do subscribe to my new Substack channel - The Unravelled Life. I will be posting here fortnightly (or more!) about all things alcohol recovery and sober living, so there will definitely be more to come in this space.
Until then, much love and take care.
Kelly xo